It was an interesting question, partly because I have 2 mothers, and I am a mother myself. My natural mother released me in 1963 to another mother, unknown to her. My adoptive mother transitioned on February 14th 2021. It was a thought provoking seed question for a happy-clappy, social media curated, Hallmark Holiday where we have come to glorify mothers simply because they are mothers, without a lot of honest attention given to the actual relationships we, as mothers, have with our children.
The more salient question, for me, became:
How are you feeling about your mothering?
Before having my daughter, now 25, I was terrified of motherhood. Due to my profound mother wound I engaged in therapy for five years prior to a decision with my husband to have children. On a very deep level, I understood that I needed to metabolize all the shadow messages I received from my mothers about motherhood, or mother unconsciously, passing on the tendencies and negative messaging to my own child. The truth is, I still did to some extent, as we all do, but I was painfully aware and accountable to it when I did. I worked hard, and still do, not to project inner narratives on to my daughter.
The mother-daughter relationship is complex. As our relationship and the world around us changes, Emma and I are becoming more transparent about the ways in which our emotional lives affect (and have affected) each other. We have become very good platforms for each other’s “process.”
