The Fertile Void: How to Befriend Uncertainty
Many contemporary psychologists have adopted both the concept and language associated with the Dark Night of the Soul, an experience first described by Christian Mystics that included sustained periods of spiritual emptiness, uncertainty, and unknowing.
Lovejoy Pond, Maine
Periods of uncertainty, unknowing, and Dark Nights are often triggered by the voids that follow any significant loss, such as a change in lifestyle, the estrangement or breakdown of an important relationship, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a career change, children leaving home, or the diagnosis + recovery from a life-threatening illness, just to name a few. Dark Nights may leave us wondering who we are, if we matter, and if we are making an impact. Dark Nights often spark the questions: Is how I am spending my time worth my time? Is what am engaged in something that I am genuinely committed to, or even interested in? Do I feel full? What are the parts of my life that feel like an empty ritual? How would my life change if I had nothing to prove?
We thrive on passion and meaning because without them life can feel like an empty ritual.
In her book, Magical Journey, Katrina Kenison has called these empty, questioning, and doubting phases “the fertile void.” Fertile voids are incredibly challenging and often distressing.
To be conscious of an inner void or conflict —and to achieve authentic resolution without seeking to fill the void with numbing agents or material distractions and external validation—is uncomfortable. Even so, I would propose that leaning in to the void with patience, an open mind, and a listening heart is the way to full self -expression, unconditional love, and inner contentment.
We are so materially oriented as a culture that using external distractions to avoid the opportunity and promise of a fertile void is a readily available option.
I call avoidance behaviors fertile void cheat codes. A fertile void cheat code is any automatic behavior (or numbing agent) used to escape the discomfort of the void. In these instances, the void cannot speak to us as we are “stuffing” it with avoidance. I am sure I am not alone when I say that I have digressed to a default fertile void cheat code more than once in my life. Instead of consciously and courageously engaging myself and exploring the uncertainty and all its discomfort-- I sought to caulk the hollow feeling in my heart with attachments and outside distractions.
What I have learned over and again is that caulk is sticky, never really matches, cracks, and falls out. To truly metabolize the voids I had to learn how to to slow down, hit pause, spend time in nature, and lean inward. Sitting in quiet stillness; and waiting for the awareness and acceptance of what my heart and soul already know, but what my ego might not want to hear, has always been the way. We all bloom in our own time. What is your way?
“Growth and transformation occur not by changing who we are… but as we summon the courage to be who we are. And that means bringing our own true, vulnerable, imperfect selves out of hiding and into the world.“
Magical Journey by Katrina Kenison ©2013
Questions for Reflection
Where am I experiencing the fertile void— the dark night and unknowing— in my life, right now?
Have I experienced other fertile voids? What happened? What changed, if anything? Do I have a fertile void cheat code? If so, what has it shown me?
Is there someone or some thing blocking me that I need to release or forgive? (Include yourself here. I often find self-forgiveness to be the most challenging.)
“It’s not for me to judge the gifts I have to offer the world, but it is up to me to summon the courage to offer them. There are as many ways to be of use and to express our love as there are people on this earth.” Magical Journey by Katrina Kenison ©2013
From Spark Change ©2020
How can I befriend uncertainty?
What is life asking me to learn right now?
What am I doing when I feel the most alive?
The only way out is through. But, as my friend Thomas Moore points out in his book Dark Night of the Soul, being stuck is part of being human, and a dark night of the soul can be a profoundly good thing. It allows for a life that once made sense, but needs reviving, to break apart and then come together in a new shape. “If the dark night is indeed a rite of passage,“ he writes, “your job is to let the transformation take place. Be sculpted, renewed, changed. You are the caterpillar becoming the butterfly. Your task is to let the change happen. Do what you can to participate in, and cautiously and artfully further the process. Discover the very point of personhood: the process of constant renewal.“ Magical Journey by Katrina Kenison ©2013